I learned to survive one warm frigid night.
68How we choose to view the situations we experience in our lives, determines how we live the rest of our lives
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I decided, I don't want to die...
Can you hear the whispers?
They are calling out your name.
Can you hear them calling?
The whispers make you insane.
Find out what is different.
Find out the truth.
Find out if they are real,
or if the lie is within you?
When you fell from the sky,
an angel lost her wings.
When you fell from grace,
I lost everything.
Hate I do not feel,
Why, I still don’t know.
I still haven’t found my way back,
To the girl I knew long ago.
Some day’s I still cry.
Some day’s I find I can still laugh.
But I will never forget,
everything I once thought I had.
When you heard them calling,
did you argue for me?
When you listened to the voices,
was there any part of you that disagreed?
Do you feel sorrow?
Do you feel regret?
Do you feel bad?
for showing me death?
You stole from me,
one warm frigid night,
an illusion I used,
and believed I needed to survive.
Step by Step,
I learned how to breathe.
Little by little,
I slowly found me.
I have learned to accept,
I will never get back,
the girl I lost,
That was protected and kept.
Who I am now,
is who I will be,
and who I will introduce to the world,
as simply being me.
I learned how to survive,
one warm frigid night.
A night I stopped wishing,
that I would soon die.
This is a poem about a boy I once knew, who was sick. I was one of his only friends, and he was my very best friend. Our friendship began when we were both children and continued until a night that I still have a hard time remembering the way things came to be. Although I do not recall every moment that led to the moment I remember vividly, I do recall the way that the world changed in the instant that his sickness overcame our friendship and showed me, I don’t want to die. This is a poem about a boy I once knew, that showed me I don’t want to give up on life and within that, made me stop wishing for death. From his sickness, I learned how capable I am of surviving, until the day I stopped surviving and began living.
Not all sad stories need a sad ending-I am writing mine with laughter, love and more importantly…life.
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blackreign2012,
Thank you for being the first to comment on my poem. I appreciate the feedback and am glad that you enjoyed it. :)
Hey H.C.Porter, I really enjoyed your poem(and hub in general). It is a pleasure to read your feelings and learn how you feel. It is an insight I'll treasure, so I can make useful whenever needed. I too have experienced many different aspects of life and one was a near-death experience, and like you I would rather live life than the alternative. Thank you very much for sharing. You take care of yourself and be safe. :) You know where to find me, should you feel like chatting or talking about anything on your mind. :) Great hub! :)
Thank you so much Cagsil. It took something absolutely horrible to make me stop wishing that I would die, life isnt always peaches and cream, but I figure-death probably isnt either, and being dead is so final, there isnt any going back to change your mind once it is said and done. Thanks for your kind comment, I appreciate all the feedback you give when you are able to read my writing.
You're quite welcome. I do not get to read as much as I use to, but I try to do what I can and be supportive to life choices. Accepting life over death is good, but as long as it is not out of fear and is about discovery of ourselves. It would be a shame for someone to want to die, and for some years, I had that same feeling, but was unable to discern truth from life. Hence, made life so confusing and me disoriented, so much so, I figure there was no place for me anywhere in the world. I am glad you have more strength now, and should you ever need more, I'll glad to help, if possible. :) You're a wonderful lady and highly intelligent, and the world would be worse off without you. :)
Geesh Cagsil, you made me tear up. That was a wonderful thing to say and something that was uplifting to hear. I wrote this poem to go along with another poem i wrote a few months back (Please Don't Cry Little Child). I am often asked why I write about a past, or about pain and hurt that I have worked so hard to let go of, and I am usually lost for words when placed on the spot. But I think that I write because it is the only way I know how to deal with things that I kept hidden for so long. I don;t want to die, but not because I am afraid of it (life is sometimes more terrifying than death). I don't want to die, because I believe that each of us can pull from life and give back to life something that will help others lead a more peaceful, uplifting and productive existence. I told a friend, I am under no illusion that I will change the world, I am not trying to, I am just trying to live my life to show my children that strength comes from within, and if you can bend rather than break when things get confusing, you can show others how to find their own strength to survive and within showing them strength and that things can improve-maybe the world can be a little less frightening for someone tomorrow.
Perhaps I am just the pesimist who has turned into an optimist- but I see so much that can be encouraged, but so many are too busy with living their life to give that encouragement of change.
As painful and traumatic as certain events are in our lives, there is something so still and life-changing in them that makes us stop and reevaluate every part of our physical, emotional, mental, and spritual being. The fact that you turned this situation into something positive says a whole lot about your strength of character.
Thank you for being so brave to share this intimate part of your life with us. You never know how many you may touch and help through your words.
Veronica, It is comments like both yours and Cagsil's, and the encouragement that you leave, that make me brave enough to share such things. From your comments, I have come to believe that maybe my story will help someone that needs some insight and strength. Thanks you :)
That is an amazing poem, makes me think of how after the roughest of storms, comes the most incredible whether and hope is renewed, even in nature, this is evident. I guess it takes a traumatic situation to realize what we really need and what is really important.
Internet writer, you are so very right. Some times we must fall before we can decide we need t o get up and get moving. Life is so blessed even when it is dark. I appreciate life now, so much more than I use to.
HC, we kinda have a few things in common, obviously. This poem moved me more than most. I felt your passion in every word, your emotions in every thought, your kindness throughout the entire message and your compassion that formats this beautiful piece of art.
Again, thank you for you
Kimberly
HC, no one is better at seeing the darker side of things than I am, and I am frequently inspired by your strength. It is a powerful thing to choose to look at a painful memory while keeping love, laughter and, yes--life--in your heart. Thanks for sharing from so deep within, you really are an inspiration.
Mike
This Is Such A Beautiful Poem.
Kimberly, Thanks for stopping by...and leaving a comment. I am happy that you felt this poem so deeply, although I am not sure that I am worthy of all your belief in me...But thank you so much Kimberly :)
Mike-thanks for your comment as well- I feel honored that many feel that I am inspiring, yet I still am not quite sure of it myself. Thanks for reading yet another one of my hubs
AW, thanks for coming by and for the comment-I am glad you enjoyed :)
great poem! it's a great lesson you have shared with us
very powerful - thanks for sharing.
BrandyBachmann,
Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on this poem. I am glad that you liked it
Cari Jean,
Thank you Ma'am for coming by to read another one of my hubs, I am glad that you liked it, and I appreciate you taking an extra moment to leave a comment :)
Beautiful sentiment! A brain tumor nearly took my life in 1976. I realized then how insignificant we are as humans in the big picture of things and glorified the time we spend making memories instead from that point on. Death will come soon enough, but life. Life is truly precious. Your poem and thoughts are a reminder of that for me. Thank you!
Terrific!
Oh, so this is a positive poem...okay. Well, at least I don't feel guilty now, for liking it. :D
Very nice poem I enjoyed it very much it was very touching. Cheers.
H.C., what can I say but you're the best.
How we choose to view the situations we experience in our lives, determines how we live the rest of our lives
I want to get that on a plaque.
Beautiful poem, and you expressed yourself from your heart. Keep up the good work. You became your owm therapist!
I read your poem in the right moment. The same happened to me last week, when I went to a pary. My friend said he was in love with me, but he was drunk, and smoked a lot of weed. He uses pills for paranoia and depression, so you can imagine how things happened. It was a big place, so I tried to run away, but he found me. I asked for help, but averyone was laughinng about it. I don't want to talk obout how I did it, but I saved myself. I was very scared, but finally understood it was not my fault, and I didn't have obligations to save him. Because I would probably drown with him.
I really want to thank you. I hope you still writing and sharing your beautiful poems.
Atte: Isabel, from Mexico
mwatkins,
I am so glad you were able to read this and decided to leave a comment. I think it is so important for each of us to remember how precious life truly is, I am sorry you had to suffer to realize your gifts, just as I have had to suffer to realize mine-but I am glad that you are enjoying life :) Thanks for coming by and thanks for the comment :)
Paradise, Thanks for stopping by and for leaving me a comment :)
Rafini,
haha, dont feel guilty it was a very positive message I was trying to share with everyone :) Thanks for reading and for commenting
ladyjane1, Thanks for reading, I am so happy that you enjoyed it and decided to leave a comment :)
Samboiam,
awwww, thanks for the words :) Putting that on a plaque is something to consider, I can just see the marketing to promote such sales :)
Nan, Thank you for the great encouragement- I am glad that you liked this one :)
Isabel,
I am so sorry for your experience. I hope that you are doing okay. I was trying to see what I thought others didnt see in him, and I tried to pretend that he wasnt ill and wasnt a danger to me or to anyone, but my friend stopped taking his meds and at that point her was no longer a friend to me. I am glad that you were able to get away, and find these words-thanks for sharing your story with me
Stay Strong
Keep living every inch of life and loving without regret. So much better then simply surviving, but I guess you have to get thru the surviving part first. This was better then fantastic but I cant think of a good enough word. Thank you.
I can understand perfectly why you would write the things you want to forget. I dont think you should forget, because then you'll have to go thru the whole surviving thing agian. Let go of the pain, but never loose the things you've learned.
I was very moved and inspired by this wonderful hub you wrote here. You have been through a lot in your life, my friend. But don't have regrets. I ask myself - why do we get all this life if we never use it? I think about this a lot, and then find ways to live the moments as best and as wonderfully as I possibly can, and sometimes I succeed. Because I dare to believe. We all learn from your words that you so generously share with us. We are all people. We all know what pain can be. We can be slaves to it, until we learn not to be slaves to it. You have crossed that Rubicon. This is a great hub, and everyone should read this. There is so much to learn from it. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Justine, you are so sweet-thanks for coming by and reading this one :) I am glad that you enjoyed it- and I agree with you that I should always remember the past- it holds alot of lessons and memories
Cheeky Girl,
Thanks for your encouragement to continue to share my thoughts and experiences. I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. I'm honored that you feel everyone should read this- it means a lot to get so much great feed back.
Hi H.C.
That was a beautiful poem, and I appreciate your thoughts following it. Experience shapes our world, and gives us compassion and grace for the journey. Just remember to breathe.
I am glad you write here.
Namaste.
Deborah,
I am glad that you are here as well. Thank you so much for the compassion and poise that you show in your comments, you are a very uplifting spirit.
So good I read it again... lol You are very talented
So good I read it again... lol You are very talented
blackreign,
Thanks! A returning reader is always a positive and great thing! Thanks for coming back :) and for the compliment :)
What a great reminder of how precious life is and we MUST charish it. Thanks for sharing your story.
Awesome poem, you are very creative and talented HC. Sometimes it's lifes extreme experiences, like the one with your friend, that change and shape us. Hopefully we are all better off after these experiences.
Sunshiney31,
Thanks for the wonderful comment- we must all learn to cherish the life we have been giving and know that it is up to us as individuals to make it more.
What a wonderful hurt felt tribute to a friend, I know the feeling of pain and hurt as a boy, it could have been me, but by the grace of God I was pulled from the bowels of despair and put on the path of finding myself and I survived. Great hub, thank you for the share.
LeonJane,
We make not like what life has shown us and we may face days that it feels as if it would be easier to give up that to continue on- but you will never be happy or be able to move past these experiences if you don't forgive and learn from them. It took me almost ten years to realize-what I lost in a single night was nothing that I could not grow from. Like everything else in life-it was a learning experience and although it was far from a pleasant one-it has certainly shaped my overall view on how to handle life's stresses. There is no reason that I can think of to keep me from being a better person and helping others who hurt, make mistakes or live through unappealing events... Because of that-perhaps my hardest days, created my most worth while days (which are to help others-hopefully). Thanks for reading and for commenting on this hub- I am glad that you enjoyed it :)
saddlerider,
Thanks for leaving a comment on this hub- it took me almost ten years to forgive a friend for something that they may have not had any control over-because of this forgiveness I am able to remember what he use to mean to me and because of our experience together-I am now a greater person with a better outlook on life than I was before that horrible night. Thanks for commenting once again :)
amasing really this is useful you are a rolemodle to the world. very lovly poem (comment on me
It seems we go through the worst things we can imagine...to finally see to make the best...from here on out! Wishing you the best from here on out. I found myself enthralled while in the midst of this poem. You take the reader on a bit of a journey in this one. Great Poem!
kkbunnylover,
thanks for commenting- I am glad that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate you taking time to read and to comment
Manlypoetryman,
I am honored that you stopped by to read this poem, being that you are one of the greats on Hub Pages in the Poetry department :) I am glad that you enjoyed the poem :) I truly appreciate your kind words and feedback-Thank you
I can really relate to this . Sometimes will feel so broken, it is hard to love or hate .
I liked the line . I stopped surviving and began living. very good poem ! Thank you!
Tuckerp- Thanks for reading another one of my hubs-I am glad that you found it interesting and left a comment. I appreciate the compliment. I think that alot of people in the world need to start living and get out of survival mode to actually be able to appreciate more of what life can offer.
..after reading this and learning what makes goosebumps it will be hard for me to survive all of the other lukewarm and banal flotsam and jetsam here at hubpages.
When someone strikes a poetic chord this deep and soulful it must mean only one thing - you are indeed a creative anomaly!
I had to go through something tragic too, to stop wanting death so much. something stopped me from commiting suicide one day( a whole story) and withen 24 hours thousands of Americans died, who did not chose too....that really changed me, now I don't just survive either...I really Live!!! I know I want to live in a way that gives to others, to make the world a better place one little step at a time....Great Hub, wonderful poem....Love it sweetie!!!
epigramman, thank you for reading and commenting. Some of the stories that send goose bumps up our spines and back again are not just stories, they are someone’s reality. It is how we live to tell these stories that matters. I think that the comment 'creative anomaly' was a compliment-so thank you for it :)
angel115707, you and I have a common mind frame and way of dealing with our depressions and situations. I spent so much time hurting for being shunned while growing up, and I often made my life more difficult that it needed to be-I lived in my books and my mind and had trouble picking up a phone to order a pizza. But the night that my world was flipped upside down-and I was taken to a very dark place by someone, whom I trusted and loved, I felt that world die and another life be born. It was up to me and what I wanted to do with the experience that I knew was going to influence and predict the rest of my life. I decided I didn’t want to die- nor was I okay with merely surviving. So I decided I was going to take the lessons-the pain-the experiences and live my life. Although it isn’t the easiest thing to tell my story(s) I believe that maybe someone can extract a little hope and strength from it to imply what I have been through and survived to whatever they are currently feeling about their life. Thank you so much for your truthful-heartfelt comment; I truly appreciate you sharing it with me :)
H.C.,
This is exquisite. It's often through the sorrow filled passing of our loved ones that we really see how beautiful and short life can be.
On a side note, I'm not convinced of an angel deciding these things up in heaven..I just find that creepy.
As Maria Bamford would say..
"...I made you paralyzed from the waist up so you can paint beautiful inspiring pictures using your feet and change someone elses life."
Bah.
Ixxy, Thanks for the comment. In a way-I think what is suppose to be shall be, but on the other hand, I often think-there is not just one way for our lives to turn out. I guess you are right/the thought of an angel watching from above and controlling is somewhat creepy :) lol----thanks for your comment, I appreciate your words :)
What a wonderful piece...I was going to list examples of my favorite parts but I think I would take too much space...Let me just say that I love the juxtaposition of warm and frigid, so creative...The poem was effortless to read...wonderful form and finish...I love your wordplay H.C...P.S. What great photographs!
notquitecorso, thanks so much for your comment. So you caught the juxtaposition? :) I like word play- although sometimes people take some of my word play the incorrect way and call me out on it-like I made a mistake and was confused when writing...Oh well, cant please them all. I am glad that you found this read enjoyable :) And thanks for noticing the pictures (that was my day job-once upon a time)
That was really superb, i enjoyed this hub and respect the creativity that was put into writing it.....
Mr Midnight, thanks for stopping in and commenting on this poem. I wasn’t sure if you would make it over to my hubs. I appreciate the feedback and the compliment...I must admit I was prepared for some harsh criticism, lol... Thanks again
You obviously have much inner strength and, in turn, you turned to poetry to help you work through and express your feelings about an experience that must've been very difficult to overcome. Bravo on your passion for life and for poetry.
Steele Fields,
Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment. I am not sure if I will ever completely overcome the events of that night- but I have accepted them as part of who I am and what has made me the person I am today. Learning to love life and myself was hard and within the past year or two, I have finally been able to see myself in a more fucused sense-I truly appreciate the support and kind words, they do mean a great deal to me and let me know-I am okay and I will continue to remain okay as long as I am okay with me...
H.C.: You have created a beautiful and creative poem from an ugly and painful event and that creation has helped all of us who have read it. Too many people fail to move forward with courage after a challenge,trauma or tragedy and experience a spiritual paralysis or death. Alcohol and drugs are common retreats from life...an escape route, among others. Your choice is inspirational to others and "home" to your family. Thank you for sharing your courage and grace.
sligobay, thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my poem. And you are right, many fall into a deep dark place after life changing events...I have gotten to a point in life where I believe, we all have choices even if others choices cause us pain-and the choice is how i choose to deal with things. to learn and grow from the darker moments or to let them destroy me...I choose to learn, to grow and to live every moment of every day with more peace than I had yesterday :)
its not always easy sharing writing like this, but when we do it has power to touch so many lives.
a beautiful poem,
nighthag
Thank you for taking the time to read and then comment on my work. When I write of such situations, I have a hard time writing about it 'Strait Forward', so I use a lot of prose and poetry to express my thoughts and feelings. It has a coping effect/but isnt as out in the open as saying things point blank. I am glad you were able to see the story behind the words-thanks again for the comment
What a great hub, beautiful poem, I was so totally moved by it.Life is so, so precious, we don't always think so at the time but there are always better things over the rainbow.
acaetnna,
Thanks for reading, you are right...life can be down right horrible-but when we recover-the rainbow can be clearer than it was before out tragic experience. We are what we allow ourselves to be-it isnt over yet/ not until we no longer are able to breath
Beautiful poem Porter..!!
It is a kind of poem which breathes the words right into life..I agree with u that life must be lived even when ur loved one's leave u,when death approaches them and not u. Strength and patience is what u need in situations such as that. Life is about living happily and finding a way out rather than giving up and waiting foe death to take u..
cracknutcase
thanks for stopping by and reading my work- I am lad you pulled such emotions and understanding from my work. thanks for leaving your comment
This was a powerful poem, very touching and insprational.
abradford55
thanks for thinking so and commenting so---appreciate your feedback! and I am so very happy I have written a poem which continues to be read and gain comments such as yours
Your poem brought people to my mind as I read it. I will refer them here. I think it helps people to know others have felt the same way they do and that they are not alone in their pain and solitude. Lovely writing
Beautiful poem - makes me reminisce about some friends I've lost over the years. Great work.
Tonzofkids
Thanks for stopping by and reading my work. I appreciate the feedback and am glad you were able to pull something from my words.
McCrawford76
Thanks for your comment... I am glad that this poem brought back some good memories. Thanks for stopping by
What a beautiful, heartfelt poem H.C Porter. I had to read it twice, it was so amazing.
Thank you Carrie- I appreciate the encouragement in my writing and am so happy to have you as a follower. I appreciate all the feed back you take time to leave
You have quite a talent with the written word. Use it. You will go far.
KerryMaxCook,
Thank you for reading and for such a kind comment... I truly hope you are correct :)
This is a brilliant piece. Truly. You are a talented writer :) I really enjoyed reading it.
pr0phet-
Thank you very much for the comment. This one has a lot of personal meaning behind it. It almost hurt to rehash and get out the emotions while writing it but I am very glad i did, for doing so allowed me to breath and begin to heal from years of pent up hurt.
I loved it. Thank you for bringing it up to my attention. Voted up.
Cresentmoon2007 -
Well thank you for coming by and taking a look at the poem, and for the vote up... :)
You're very welcome
blackreign2012 Level 1 Commenter 2 years ago
Excellent Brava! ~hugs~