Prose Poetry- As the Violins Play in the Background

As the violins play in the background

I sway into the darkness and try to tell if something is left here

I am not to believe the rumors that my heart once told me would be okay to feel

It is a secret-

I am not dead-

I am alive and I know where I can begin.

I am giving up a mask-

And I will face the world

I am no longer a child

I am no longer a girl

It is okay to be afraid,

Of what I have discovered on my own

As long as I still hold my breath

And take the steps forward into a new world.

Feelings and emotions escape to release me,

In the perfect distance the earth curves beneath the tremble of weak knees

Shutter-Silence- Seep into the earth

Endless moments- they belong to someone other than who I am in her

Sounds lift me up, as reality of thought brings me down,

Take away my breath- give me another way out.

It once felt like home, the places where I still step.

My feet are planted on the ground- as the floor around me begins to collapse

I loved the way you touched me,

I didn’t like the way you felt,

I gave away my heart to you,

And you managed to break it.

Don’t you dare judge me!

I have already judged myself.

I do not need your opinions of how i should feel this regret

I carry my past with me,

I carry the lies you tell,

Don’t bother to make this right anymore

I have stored my sins somewhere else.

Never have I felt worth it,

Never did I ever feel I was any good at life

I have spent many years wasted

Trying to decide if I could be good at anything to make my life worth while

You have assured to me I couldn’t,

You assured to me I was done

You assured to me I needed you to make me into a 'someone'.

I don’t need my mistakes to be shown to me,

I already recognize them.

I don’t need for anyone to tell me,

I should be someone else

Sick and tired with the world collapsing around my trembling heart

Telling me I should be ashamed of how I manage to make something more than anything that you are

You are not so much better,

That I could not be better than you.

I hold the truth within my heart

And I do things because they are the right things to do

Would it have been so bad to hold me up to the light?

To point out to me in the darkness, that you can still see the stars?

Why was it a competition?

Why was I filled in regret?

Why can you not see me?

Why can you not help me figure things out?

Always working harder,

Because I have to fight

A constant struggle to get a chance to make myself worthwhile.

So sick of a reputation, that I didn’t create myself.

So sick and tired of suffering for the payment I didn’t deal to need to regret.

You picked and choose what it is I should be

And I finally got tired of it

Little do you know?

As your words cut through your lies

I have grown into someone strong

And I can control what it is I want out of life

I can fight through the chains and the dungeons you have given me

I can get out of this world so I can start at the beginning of living..